Dick Cheney and The Curse of the Pomegranate Seeds

Image by Larry Ray / The Rag Blog.

No one is happier than Hades, chortling down in his dark homey hell while topside the earthly GOP, Guardians of Pomegranates, urged on by Hades' emissary, Dark Dick, pass out the fruit's sweet seeds to their dwindling hard core members. . .

By Larry Ray / The Rag Blog / May 17, 2009

There are emerging scholarly theories about former Vice President Dick Cheney's lifelong allergy to pomegranates which could be at the center of his secretive, imperious, angry and delusional behavior and his lifelong health problems.

Mr. Cheney is part of the estimated 1.24% to 16.8% of the population considered "at risk" for having an anaphylactic reaction if they eat, are injected with or even inhale one or more allergens. Anaphylaxis comes from the Greek, meaning "against protection." Anaphylactic shock can attack those severely allergic to a bee sting, or even a pomegranate, causing a serious blockage of the airway, an extreme drop in blood pressure and can lead to death in a matter of minutes if left untreated.

For this reason, Mr. Cheney has always had within arm's reach what is commonly called a "bee sting kit" which has a preloaded syringe containing epinephrine (adrenaline) to keep the heart beating, and other compounds to keep one breathing. Early in his political career a staffer, and more recently a Secret Service agent, has constantly been at the ready with the little zippered pouch in case a bit of killer pomegranate makes it down the Veep's gullet.

So with this bit of basic Mr. Wizard science background under our belts, let's look at why Dick Cheney might have been a nice guy with, say a peanut or bee sting allergy instead of the curse of the pomegranate. It all has to do with the Greek connection.

The pomegranate features mightily in the complex Greek story of Zeus's daughter Persephone who was snatched by Zeus's brother Hades, Lord of the underworld, and taken below to become his Queen. Now, when you get snatched and taken to the dark side, the deal is that if you don't eat, you can eventually return back up to light and goodness. Persephone's mother, Demeter, became so distraught at the loss of her daughter she neglected the earth which had droughts and became barren. It got so bad that Hades relented and called Hermes to take Persephone back home to momma.

But, just as Persephone was leaving, Hades gave her a pomegranate to eat. She knew the deal about eating and not being able to return to earth, but she was famished and ate seven pomegranate seeds. Well. . . you can figure out the ending. She got to return to the happy world to be with mom and dad, but poor Persephone had cut a deal with the devil. She wound up having to return to Hades four months out of the year. It wound up giving us winter and summer, but, those damned pomegranate seeds!

Actually pomegranate juice has powerful antioxidant properties and is used to treat a variety of maladies, most notably cardiovascular disease, stroke and heart attack. Medical researchers also claim great benefit in interrupting the process of atherosclerosis which is the clogging of arteries due to excessive fat deposits.

Mr. Cheney has earned the diagnostic title of "vasculopath" with an almost 30-year history of coronary atherosclerosis, with his first heart attack when he was only 37. No one is sure when he ate his first pomegranate seeds, or how many he ate, but clearly he was damned to the dark side early on, and as a result was not even allowed to have any more of the sweet, potentially health benefiting fruit. The deal with Hades was already made.

To many, it is clear that Cheney didn't get a short four-month deal like Persephone. He clearly spends lots more time down in the underworld's dark side than she did. Cheney's official press releases have conveniently described him as being in "an undisclosed location."

His buddy Hades has lately been giving Mr. Cheney more weekend passes than in years past so he can spend more time up here in the light to appear on radio and TV to spread his dark message. He has been reveling in his angry, convoluted attacks upon truth, transparency and change by America's new Democratic leaders and majority voters.

Hades and Cheney working together, make Machiavelli's schemes pale by comparison. They have even cleverly lured Speaker Pelosi into a torturous lose-lose series of public appearances and defensive statements where her political armor has finally been pierced. . . by her own spear.

No one is happier than Hades, chortling down in his dark homey hell while topside the earthly GOP, Guardians of Pomegranates, urged on by Hades' emissary, Dark Dick, pass out the fruit's sweet seeds to their dwindling hard core members, and unsuspecting malcontents.

Hopefully Hades will soon cut out the weekend passes, and Dark Dick will return to his undisclosed location. . . for good. But he mustn't forget his bee sting kit because there is always the possibility he will eventually finally even tee off Hades, who certainly will have his pomegranate waiting for him.

[Retired journalist Larry Ray is a Texas native and former Austin television news anchor. He also posts at The iHandbill.]

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